First I asked myself, "Are you really hungry or do you just want to eat because you think it will fill a void that has just been created in your heart?" I was not really hungry. Then I thought of all the wonderful things I could do to make myself feel better without wrecking havoc with my health. I really needed a mood booster - very badly.
This may sound strange or a little crazy - especially if you are not an animal lover. I found my dog and gave him a hug. I talked to him and told him how I was feeling. He's a very good listener and never tells any of my secrets to anyone. Then I headed to my exercise room. I rode my bike and worked with free weights. Then I headed for the shower and used some very nice shower gel that a friend sent me earlier in the year. It's amazing what just a little pampering can accomplish for your mood.
When I stepped out of the shower, I forced myself to smile in the mirror. It was not easy since I had been crying and had the lovely puffy red eyes staring back at me. But I actually began to feel a little better - and started laughing at the mere silliness of it. I thought I must be losing my mind. I'm going to live and I'm going to get through this. I don't know how but I know I will. Again I'm reminded that God is God, and I am not. He's got the whole situation under control whether it feels that way or not.
There are some Brazil nuts in the house and being low on the antioxidant selenium can make you more depressed. So, for good measure I ate a handful of them. I don't drink orange juice very often because of the sugar content, but we do have some that is low sugar. Serotonin is found in orange juice and makes your mood improve. I'm planning to fix some salmon for dinner tomorrow night so that I can get more omega-3's in my diet.
It takes a long while to adopt an attitude that we eat to live, we do not live to eat. Food is so readily available. More to the point, unhealthy processed packaged food is so readily available - and so cheap. It's the cheapest high, really. That high just does not last very long and will eventually take its toll on your health. Is it worth it? No way.
Then I asked question number 2: "Is the situation that I'm upset about worth me regressing and picking up old unhealthy eating habits?" The honest answer to that question is no, it most certainly is not. I will respect myself and the progress I've made above any darts and arrows that anyone may want to hurl at me. I'm hurt and in need of comfort - but it will never be food that provides the comfort for me ever again.
I was popping Brazil nuts as I came back down the stairs to the basement. My best friend was setting in the basement waiting for me. No, not my dog. No, not the computer (although it runs a close second). My keyboard. The instrument through which many emotional outbursts have occurred. Everyone needs an outlet, a release of sorts when life gets so painful. Music has been my best friend forever. Nothing or nobody will ever come between me and my music.
Just the three of us - the keyboard, the headphones and I. Playing songs about broken hearts and dreams that have come crashing down from the sky. I had a dream, a lovely dream. I guess that's all it ever was. Reality is back and I have to figure out where to go from here. I don't like it, but it is what it is.
I'm stuck in a reality and had to let go of a dream. It happens I guess. I'll live I'm sure. I want to take just as good of care of myself as possible because you see I still have this silly thing called hope for my future. It does seem very silly to be holding on to it at this point, but I am. I also have this thing called faith. I believe in a God Who has my future all ready for me and He knows what lies ahead. If I just lean on Him then I have a future full of happiness and joy. There's something really great ready for me someday. I have faith, hope and love.
My life is in His very large and capable Hands. I would not want it anywhere else. Lead on, Lord and I will follow.
Today is MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let your selves shine today!!!!!!!!